50 Shades of Boredom
"We decide our own fate, not you, not anybody else." - Spartacus (probably)
As I wrote in a previous blog post Why I left Facebook social site, I left several (=all) social sites like Tumblr, last.fm, DevianArt, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Twitch. I also stopped watching technological and gaming news actively. Also I threw away/sold off most of my physical things which are no longer relevant in my life. And deleted irrelevant digital files. And deleted all my installed video games.
In the end, I left Facebook too. Groups were not such selling point after all. I can live without very cool unique content.
And finally after three weeks I realized I AM BORED AGAIN! But this time it is a good shade boredom.
The wrong shade of boredom was when I literally consumed stuff, videos, photos, news, texts and was bored at the same time. To just imagine my life will feel like this for eternity was horrifying and I had to rethink my life and values. Nihilism wins! In a certain way.
I always thought not even technology and mainstream hyped things are mandatory to live a happy life. I saw a couple of people that are happy, many more that are not without these things. So I still had to do a leap of faith and decide my own fate.
I still spend time on YouTube or click on links leading to Instagram as unregistered user. Everywhere unregistered. And I play new video games, but spend less time than before. No followings, no routine and boredom!
I'm kind of person when I follow something, I follow for life. Or maybe I just wanted to fill infinite void in myself and consume as much content as I can.
To advance as humanity, I believe, every person, every man and woman has to be as free as they can. Otherwise we will get stuck in archaic technological, political and mental systems which will suppress our human side and will make us a mere robots without personality. Everybody needs to find this fine balance as there are many shades of freedom too.
I have utmost respect to social sites and more importantly to people who are brave enough to post photos or content in general. This way I could see how other people live and copy their cool attitude into myself. And to see the best of the best and see what can be achieved.
But still, I had to leave. And I am happier now for sure. I sleep better. I'm finally bored in a good way. I can sit and have a feeling "fuck yeah, I don't to have do anything...there is no content to watch.....I mean I don't want to watch anything anyways.....where's a paper, I'm going to draw something just for fun and then throw it away".
And that's me, highly creative person with NIH (not invented here) syndrome who likes to do stuff. And most of it is not good enough to reach public internet for sure.
Also I enjoy the chill attitude of myself now. It's a nice change not to be stressed out and have a urge to do this or that. I have to watch this, because I downloaded it. I have to learn to play whistle, because I bought it two years ago, but I don't really want to do it. Or I have to watch these new videos from YouTube channel, because I subscribed to it. And want to kill some time, because I don't want to learn to play whistle anymore.
When I was 15-18 I thought - hey, I can't really decide my own fate anyways, I'm not of legal age. I'll just tank it, ignore my weird feelings which don't conform to society/parents, shut up and focus on parts of my life which were "ordinary". Now, when I'm 29 I don't really want to say "it's not my fault I'm not happy and frustrated and with clothes I don't like. It's their fault (point finger to republic, society, social norms, people, parents, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, weird people from internet, agents of cat kingdom, first foundation or galactic empire)".
Anyways my weird feelings are not weird after all, just people around me weren't very supportive and I listened to them. But now, after all these years I still don't know exactly what I want. But I know what I don't want.
Why shouldn't I learn wood carving? I should, because I can!
This is what Myrtana.sk is all about. Doing creative things. This type of creativity might be usual in artistic circles, but I'm not an artist.
To create things - write texts, try new ideas, accept failure, rework idea, do things mainly for fun and not likes or profit. Publicly, without shame.
We decide our own fates, our musical instruments, colors of our toasters, clothes and every aspect of ourselves.
So say we all.
P.S. I couldn't add many references to shades as I've yet to see this delicate quadrilogy, but I added something from other movies ;-)
AND YES, I AM BORED!